Window War I

Recently there’s been debate and strong feelings about reclining your seat on an airplane. I would agree that a Full Recline is aggressive. I do, however, believe you are entitled to put your seat back to at least the 90 degree position. Am I the only one who feels like you are forced into a sustained abdominal crunch with my seat in its “upright” position?

But that’s not what I’m here to talk to you about today. My pressing issue is a real life Axis and Allies. A fight to retain my rightful territory. My personal Manifest Destiny. 

Windows on an airplane are not spaced in line with your rows. I think once upon a time they probably were, but now with rows so close together even my 5ft, one and 1/4 inch frame feels smushed. Yes the 1/4 inch matters. 

Now you get 1+ window per seat. The “+” is the issue. 

When we boarded the flight this morning to take Riley to Michigan (insert sobs here), the view from my window was such:

As we waited on the tarmac deep in conversation, troops were apparently moved into position. When I turned my gaze back to this glorious morning I was met with this:

Oh hell no. 

I conferred with my generals. Usually they try to pacify me. Make me try peaceful protest. Seek Congressional approval and all. This time I had surprising support for my campaign. 

The 5 star felt I was squarely on their 30 yard line and could easily move into the red zone with a seat recline. The 4 star was more reticent and was concerned about retaliation. After all they had been speaking Russian. 

I’m in no emotional state to be fucked with so zzziiipppp; up went the window shade. Ahhhh, so much better. 

We took off on time and headed out over the Pacific Ocean, the new day’s sun gleaming over empty beaches.  As we made a sweeping turn back towards the east a hand reached forward PAST my seat back and shut the shade. 

Woman, you are going to long for Putin oppression if this goes on. 

I turned around, flipped the shade back up, glared at the woman… and then weakly mumbled something about being claustrophobic. 

First of all, not true. Second of all, what a sniveling, pathetic thing to say. Forgive me. I’m clearly in a vulnerable state with the changes afoot. 

The win is so much less satisfying having compromised my methods. Perhaps I’ll redeem me to myself but shutting the shades upon landing. 

xo, Kimby

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